As I wrote about early this week, I was thinking about taking a "light week". Easing up on training. Taking care of my body. Taking care of this little girl that I am halfway through incubating already (how is that even possible?). Doing all of the things that I know are good for me.
And then, as you saw, I decided that running for 77 minutes was an awesome idea. It was, and it really did feel good. But it certainly isn't taking it easy, especially not at 9:10/mile average, which is much faster than I should be doing easy runs these days.
I am obviously struggling with pregnancy, as must be no secret to anyone who reads this. They probably see it and say "should you really be running that hard and that fast (and heck, PR-ing 10Ks) when you are pregnant?" Umm... Well, my doctor gave me clearance to run as long as it does not hurt, that is the truth. I have been having trouble being honest with myself about how much struggle I am going through with this whole thing. I want to be a mom, and I really know that J wants to be a dad, but I just am struggling with how much my life will change when she is here.
Anyway, running for 77 minutes definitely caused me to feel it yesterday. I took a real like easy day. Did I rest? Nope. Did I feel guilty? All day long. I don't know why, but I really felt bad about myself.
I went home and lunch and hopped on the treadmill. I knew I was going to have time for 3-4 miles at lunch, as that is just what time allows over a lunch break. Especially on a lunchbreak when I am going home to use the treadmill rather than running outdoors. But it is still so cold here, that outdoors is far more difficult than fun right now. I planned on workout out both at lunch and in the evening before J got home from work. Running one, lifting the other (strength workout #3 from the SBBC).
When I started running (set the treadmill to 9:30 pace to get started) I just knew that it was not going to happen today. I truly was not sure why, because I felt ok overall, but it just wasn't going to work. I ran a mile, logged it on DM, and moved on. I made up my own lifting routine rather than going upstairs to get the print out of what I would do for SBBC. Here is what I ended up with:
I spent the rest of the day questioning myself and my abilities. I worked out for a good amount of time. I had a good workout. Why am I not happy with that? Why must I go harder? How can I come to terms with the fact that I am pregnant, I work hard, and I am doing MORE than enough to keep myself in shape/ready for labor/healthy/keep weight gain minimal/etc?