I am exhausted. All of these nerves are really getting to me. I know I shouldn't be so scared of having surgery, but I definitely still am. I am scared for me and the pain, I am scared for the baby and the trauma that might be involved... I know I have one of the top Orthopedic surgeons in the city (definitely will continue to see him for future running related injuries) and I know everything is going to be very closely monitored during my procedures. But that doesn't change anything at all, unfortunately.
I am on the couch at my house right now. I needed some meds because I am definitely feeling it right now. It is much more of a discomfort than a pain, but it is absolutely not fun.
I have talked to my friend who is a nurse, and she happens to work at the hospital where my surgery is. But she will not be there tomorrow. She is going to get in touch with folks there to check in on me, which will be nice. She also did give me some advice. I was explaining to her that I was very scared. I am scared about getting operated on in general, and I am extra scared that I am going to be aware of what is going on during the surgery. I have been trying ever since Saturday to put on my brave face.
Becky said that I should just tell the nurses that I am scared and then they will be able to help me. The nurses will talk to me during the surgery if I want them to. I am pretty sure I do. If I am going to be strapped to a table for an hour, I am absolutely going to need distractions. Whenever I think about the fact that it is tomorrow is the day, I get really scared in my head, and I start to cry. I have been doing it pretty much repeatedly today, and even did it last night when I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom.
I guess that is one think to be said about Teek. She does have that quality of a good dog, as much as she loves her dad. She does seem to "get" when I am sad or scared and come to sit with me. Even in the middle of the night. So last night when she heard me crying she left her dad and came and cuddled up close to me and Addie. Although it doesn't make you feel 100% better, it helps.