This weekend was a strange one for me. It was definitely all about those transitions that I talked about on Friday, and a lot of thoughts racing through my head related to that. This weekend I had a milestone birthday.
Yeah, 30. On Saturday. I think this is part of my big struggle with the baby and stuff. I am not a kid anymore. I remember when my parents turned thirty, and it is tough to believe that I am there myself now. I think part of me felt like if I didn't have kids or didn't move forward too much in my life, then I could stay young and completely carefree forever. And yes, that is the selfish Emily talking. The one who doesn't want responsibilities, cares or worries. And yes, I am working hard to get her to take a deep breath and move into a more relaxed and mothering role, because she is going to need to be! (she being ME!)
And the more time I spend thinking, the more time I spend wondering... once Addie is here, will I really want to dedicate so much time to training for a marathon? Not only will I want to, but will I be able to? Granted, right now I am missing running like crazy for the mental clarity, etc, that it gives me, but do I miss running more than 10 miles (or 13 in a race) in one go? I'm not sure. Part of me says yes and you have a HUGE goal that you need to make, and the other part is like... "meh" maybe I am not cut out for marathoning? I am just having some self doubt based on some of my longer runs toward the end of pregnant running, not to mention reflecting back on Columbus and my DNF there.
I think I need to not focus on that. I need to plan for the marathon, but at the same time, play it by ear. If I run a half, great job for me! Right?
So if you remember back to last September I set some 30 before 30 goals. Here is the list.
I guess that gives me 5 goals for my 31st year, the year that I AM 30. What do you think?
Anyone else struggle with milestone birthdays? Or do you just accept them as life?