Sometimes you just feel sad. There may be a reason for that feeling, or it might just come on, seemingly out of no where. This time in my life is absolutely a combination of those two things. At first, it seemed to be out of no where, and then there was a change, and I know the reason, or at least, the current reason. It is not something that I really want to talk too much about, but it does exist, it is real.
It is part of the reason that I have been quietly following along in my marathon training, not posting, reading about other's crazy levels of motivation while mine is not present and I occasionally collapse and cry in the front yard of a stranger (true story). Sometimes things are feeling overwhelming to me lately. I am trying to get through all of the things that I have needed to do recently. I have been trying to work extra hours. I have been trying to survive.
When you feel down, certain songs carry special meaning. You listen to them on repeat. And then you try and pick yourself up and run again. You try and get your motivation back, you try and get through the first few miles and hope to goodness that you suddenly start to feel good.
Some days it happens. Somedays it does not, like the day I landed in a neighbor's lawn crying.
Sometimes you are sad and you know why. Sometimes you are not sure what happened.
FYI - yes, i have some stuff going on. Yes, I am seeing a professional. Yes, I will get through it.