So, I am not sure how much I want to talk about this... I failed at yesterday's 22. I made it 9 with 1 at marathon pace. That is it. I spent the entire rest of the day (after I was picked up on the bike trail by my daughter and mother-in-law) annihilating myself for being too weak minded to finish the run. Yeah, I felt terrible, I was likely dehydrated (I consumed what felt like an obscene amount of water), and I could not overcome this knot in my diaphragm that I had since Thursday, but I still spent the entire day crying on and off and generally being lame.
I discovered as a result of this day that I don't think my body is a super fan of cheese. I have had this suspicion for a little while now, and yesterday kind of put the nail in the coffin for me. I think I am generally going to cut dairy, except the occasional greek yogurt. And that will be a lunchtime item, so I have the full day and night to digest it. So yeah, if there is one positive thing out of this, I have made this decision?
I don't know. I definitely spent the entire day being too hard on myself. I got out my Lauren Fleshman "Believe" training log last night to record my feelings on the workout. And again, I just tore myself apart. I know that I should not react like that. I know that is not a good way to be, and likely, it is not going to help me to be better. It won't help me to get over the mental hurdle that is in my way, and it won't do me any good, let's be honest!
Now, I am not sure how to get over this hurdle. I am not sure if I am going to hop on the treadmill and just see how far I can go at naptime (I am leaning toward this plan), but I know that I can get over this. I know that I HAVE to get over this. I know that I am physically MORE than capable of this marathon, and running this marathon as I want to run it. I AM. I have proved it over and over again with this training. It is a complete mental block for some reason.
I was thinking back to last summer, I was out with Karen and Tom and it was the first training run for Columbus that was over the half marathon distance. So it was my first run over 13.1 miles since before Addie was born just under a year prior. Hell, longer than that, since I don't think I ran over twelve since Columbus training the year BEFORE I got pregnant. Damn! I had this mental block about the run. I am not sure what the deal was, and why I could not get over the hurdle, but I just couldn't, at least not alone. I remember my watch died about 5 miles in. That was probably the best thing that could have happened to me. I had to stick with Karen and run blind for 9 more miles. She did not give me any splits for the rest of the run. And by the way, we ran our 14th mile in a sub-8 pace. At the time, that was a HUGE deal for me.
So... how did I get that feeling? How do I push through?
To be continued...