So I have been giving this some thought recently... I am thinking that a little bit of this FOMO problem that I mentioned previously is maybe something to do with my mortality.
It is possible that I am having a breakdown about the fact that I am getting older. Here are some examples:
1. I need to figure out if I am going to have another baby or not RIGHT NOW because I am already 32. I am not getting any younger and with all of the bad things I have done to my body over time, it is only going to get harder from here.
2. I need to BQ RIGHT NOW (not to mention RUN ALL THE RACES!) because I am only getting older, which means I am going to get slower.
3. I have already gotten to do all of the "cool growing up milestones". I am married. I own a house and a car. I have had a baby. I have a job. Now what?
Yeah. I know that these are all unrealistic things. All of them. Nothing about that is rational at this point. But I cannot help the way that I feel.
I mentioned this to Charlie, and he made a very good point.
She has milestones now. Those milestones of hers become mine. Her first steps. First day of school. First lost tooth. First broken heart. Graduation... All of it.
I think it is going to take some work to get there. To come to some realization about what my goals are and how to best achieve them. But I think that realizing that I am freaking out about that fact that I am getting older, that I am over thirty (by a few years now), and that it does not mean that my life is over will help. At least, I hope it will help?
So I am going to try. I am going to figure this out.