On Monday, when I was feeling like struggle fest on Boston and the goals that I had for that, I talked to Coach Jen. Even though I am guessing I was more quiet around the conversation than she wanted me to have.
I think that quietness is common with me when I am struggling with where I am relating to... anything... in my life. I am like that in therapy too. I feel like in general, I need to be prodded to talk about places where I am weak. I wish I could have just spilled my guts to her.
Regardless, she asked questions. She pried. She questioned all of the issues that I said I was having. She forced me to talk when I sort of felt like I just wanted to cruise and be bummed out and feel not confident.
And while I was likely not as responsive as she had hoped I would be, I was not as responsive as I hoped I would be, I got out of my way as she forced me to get out of my way. By the time we got off the phone I was starting to feel reinvigorated.
So now... a few days removed from that phone call, and a few workouts removed, I am starting to feel better. I am starting to feel reinvigorated around this race. I have even started to come up with a few goals around this race (maybe even A B C goals?) and that is definitely fueling my fire a little bit. I am trying to come up with ways to remember that this should be the celebration behind all of the work that I have done since I started running and specifically all of the work that I have done since Addie was born. Marathons are hard, and I have definitely put a lot of work into it at this point. And although yes, I want to run fast, I want to race, I still should really take in this experience.
I really should enjoy it.
I need to remember THIS feeling.