My mental place took a bit of a beating this weekend. I am not entirely sure why I was feeling so... not good... mentally, but I definitely was in a not good place. Especially considering it was a down week training wise and my legs were feeling good.
I have backed off at Pure Barre, even though I am still trying to go 4-5 times per week. I was not planning on backing off, but I realized that my legs were feeling tired from going all-in all the time. So I took that step back and am still working hard, but just not sinking that extra inch or whatever. That has helped a bit.
I have been trying to BS reasons for this, and honestly, I am coming up short. It might be because I don't really have a goal for this race. Obviously, it would be ideal to try and re-qualify for Boston at this race even if I never go back. Mostly because that would be awesome. But I am not really going into this race to try and run a PR or anything. If that happens, ok. If not, also ok. And unfortunately, I am not sure if that works for me or not.
I know that I am going to Boston, so I really should be going to ENJOY myself. But for me, enjoying myself is performing at my best. And that is ok. I can go into this race and be ready to race. Hard. and see what happens, But the truth is, I am not sure where this will land at this point in time. I am not sure how my fitness is right now, but I am ready to knock out 22 miles this weekend. I have to. I need to be ready to race the SHIT out of this marathon. (Pardon my language.)
So basically... I have been mentally struggling with this whole thing. And I am definitely ready to get out there. I need this week/weekend to go well. That is my big goal.
I have been lax and forgiving of myself when it comes to this cycle because I wanted to enjoy Boston, but that has looked somewhat like slacking. Not racing the Heart Mini like I could have/should have. Taking some workouts a little bit easier than maybe I could have.
But for now, I am trying not to dwell on that and trying to pull things together. Trying to get my head in the game and execute.
3 weeks to go.